如何转变对亡者的悲伤？
How To Transform Grief For The Departed?
Question: If we are still grieving a lot for departed loved ones, what should we do?
Answer: As we know, excess grief can be damaging to ourselves, while it does not benefit the departed at all. In fact, it might also harm the departed, for if the consciousness is still around, s/he might also be grieving that we are grieving too much. We should remember that the departed will not wish us to grieve excessively, just as we do not wish the departed to do so. May we not sustain a lose-lose situation.
Once there is grief arising, it is good to take time aside to sit down calmly, to see the grief as a reminder to be mindful of the Buddha’s name sincerely (至心念佛). This track can be used for guidance: https://purelanders.com/mp3. With peaceful abiding upon the Buddha’s name (安住佛号), the grief will transform gradually to be peace of mind (心安). This is how we can be benefitted, as the first half of a win-win situation.
This sincere mindfulness will also create meritorious virtues (功德) for the well-being of the departed directly. With guidance (开示) offered first, the departed, if around, will also be motivated to likewise be mindful sincerely, till seeing the Buddha, to follow him (念佛，见佛，跟佛) for rebirth (往生) in his Pure Land (净土). This is how the departed can be benefitted too, as the second half of the win-win situation.
More can be learnt in the following three links.
[1] What Should We Do If Missing Departed Ones?
https://purelanders.com/2023/02/08/what-should-we-do-if-missing-departed-ones
[2] How To Start Sincere Niànfó?
https://purelanders.com/start
死亡前后与丧礼中后的诵念
[3] What To Chant When Dying, After Death, During And After Wakes
https://purelanders.com/wake
