[112] Navigating As A Family: How We Guided Our Father To Pure Land
我们全家如何诚心助念，引导父亲往生西方净土
My father was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer (NPC or nose cancer) in 2017. He underwent 33 radiotherapy and six chemotherapy sessions in total. His cancer was cured and in remission since. However, irreversible side effects such as loss of hearing, consistently low blood pressure and worst of all, the gradual loss of swallowing ability impacted his quality of life greatly.
我父亲于2017 年患上鼻咽癌，一共接受了33次的放疗和六次化疗。之后，癌症算是慢慢地治愈了，好几年处于康复期当中。然而，不少完全不可逆转的副作用，例如听力丧失、持续低血压，吞咽能力严重受损渐渐地影响了他的生活素质。
His health started deteriorating significantly since March 2024. He ate very little for a week and slept most of the time. On the early morning of 31 March, he slumped at the toilet door as he did not have the strength to walk back to his bed. My wife and I were alerted by my mother and we rushed over. He was running a high fever and too weak to stand. In view that he might have bone fracture, I called for an ambulance to rush him to the nearest hospital. Found to be with acute pneumonia, he was hospitalised for seven days. With good medical care, he recovered well enough to be discharged.
自2024年3月起，他的健康开始每况愈下。在一周内吃喝的分量变少，大部分的时间都处在昏睡状态。3月31日凌晨，他因为上洗手间后双腿无力而瘫倒在厕所门口。在接到母亲的电话后，太太和我在最短的时间内赶到了父母家。父亲明显在发高烧，虚弱地无法自行站立。在考虑到瘫倒后有骨折的可能性，我便第一时间拨电召唤救护车把他送进医院。急诊室医生诊断父亲患上了急性肺炎，但幸运的是父亲在留医期间接受了非常好的医疗照顾，很快便康复出院。
This marked the beginning of his three other hospital admissions in the last 70 days of his life. His medical conditions can be summarised as follows:
这是父亲人生中最后70天的实况记录。他的症状可归纳如下：
[1] Swallowing: His swallowing ability worsened gradually but surely. Food, drinks or even saliva swallowed easily entered his lungs to cause pneumonia.
[1] 吞咽：父亲的吞咽能力逐渐弱化。饮食甚至唾液都很容易进入肺部而引发肺炎。
[2] Oxygen Level: With his lungs infected now and then, not functioning fully, the oxygen level fluctuated and he was often breathless.
[2] 氧气量：由于父亲肺部不时受到感染，已经无法像常人一样正常运作，氧气量持续波动，他因此经常感到呼吸困难。
[3] Giddiness: Changing of body positions affected his blood pressure and led to giddiness easily.
[3] 头晕：身体姿势的变换也会影响父亲的血压，容易导致头晕。
[4] Pain: As his pain threshold was low, he refused the doctor’s suggestion of setting up a nasal or stomach feeding tube. He also did not feel the need to do so due to his advanced age.
[4] 疼痛：由于父亲不太能耐痛，因此拒绝了置入鼻饲管或胃饲管的建议。父亲也觉得自己年事已高，也没必要那么做了。
My father and other family members gradually accepted that his health was fast deteriorating irreversibly. I began preparing my parents by sharing that as death is inevitable, they should practise Niànfó (念佛: mindfulness of Buddha) as often as possible. I also changed all the wallpapers on my father’s smart devices to Āmítuófó’s (阿弥陀佛) image, to remind him to be constantly mindful of his name.
不仅父亲本人，我们一家也慢慢接受父亲病况迅速恶化且不可逆转的事实。我开始和父母进行沟通，让他们做好心理准备。既然死亡不可避免，每一天就应该多念佛。我也把父亲所有智能设备的壁纸都换成了阿弥陀佛佛像，希望能时时提醒他念诵阿弥陀佛圣号。
Despite all these, he felt frustrated over his declining health conditions. He was annoyed at times as he had to depend on us for caregiving. Dealing with his occasional emotional breakdowns was a challenge and we often reminded him not to be mindful of his pain (念痛), and to just sincerely focus on Niànfó and nothing else.
尽管如此，父亲对于自己每况愈下的健康感到沮丧且烦躁。他因无法自理而感到恼火。如何好好地应对他偶发的负面情绪难免是一种挑战。我们常常提醒他“念佛不念痛”，其他事宜都应该完全放下。
We reminded him time and again that he has strong affinity with Āmítuófó, as he previously experienced healing four times throughout the night after hanging up an Āmítuófó scroll (https://purelanders.com/2022/05/12/buddha-picture-placement-for-the-dying) in his room (https://purelanders.com/2023/05/16/how-nianfo-practice-led-to-four-healing-sessions-within-dreams). If he remained as sincere as possible when practising Niànfó, it is a matter of time that he will connect to Āmítuófó, to be reborn in his Pure Land, where there will be no more suffering and only bliss. At times, he would also become impatient and seemed to lose confidence when I mentioned Āmítuófó. We would explain that as his time had yet to come, he should just continue to Niànfó patiently.
我们不时都会提醒父亲他与阿弥陀佛有殊圣因缘。他去年在卧房挂上了阿弥陀佛卷轴（https://purelanders.com/2022/05/12/buddha-picture-placement-for-the-dying）后的那一晚上，就经历了阿弥陀佛显前为他治疗四次的体验（https://purelanders.com/2023/05/16/how-nianfo-practice-led-to-four-healing-sessions-within-dreams）。若父亲在念佛时从始至终能保持真诚心，感应道交，阿弥陀佛必会现前接引他往生西方净土。西方极乐世界是一个没有病苦，只有极乐的世界，往生与否只是时间问题而已。当我提到阿弥陀佛时，他会偶尔显得不耐烦，似乎对于念佛往生一事失去信心。我们都会耐心解释说因为他往生时机尚未成熟，只要耐心地继续念佛即可业事成办。
He was last admitted on 30 May, again with acute pneumonia. As his throat muscles continued to deteriorate, he choked on his medication that morning. The doctor from the A&E department informed that after all these pneumonia episodes during the last two months, this admission could be the last. I replied that our family had prepared for this day.
5月30日那天，父亲又因急性肺炎紧急住院。由于父亲咽喉肌肉的弹性持续恶化，他在早上服药时就呛到。急诊室医生拨电告知，父亲在过去两个月肺部反复感染，这次入院很有可能是他人生最后一次。我回答说我们一家人已经做好这一天来临的心理准备。
On the third day of hospitalisation, my father told us out of the blue that he saw an elderly male ‘neighbour’ standing beside him, looking completely lost. We immediately became alarmed as he could have seen a karmic creditor. We reminded him gently to not speak with this ‘man’, and to just continue Niànfó despite whatever happens. My wife and I also told him that we will Niànfó together with him.
父亲住院第三天后突然说他看到了一位年长的男 “邻居” 站在他床边，表情茫然。我们开始担心他很有可能见到了冤亲债主。我们温和地提醒他千万不可与这名 “男人” 说话，而且不管发生什么情况，都要持续念佛。太太和我也告诉他，我们会在他身边和他一起念佛。
I was undecided on using the Dhāraṇī Blanket (陀罗尼被)(https://purelanders.com/2023/02/25/top-ten-facts-to-know-about-the-dhara%e1%b9%87i-rebirth-blanket) then. (Actually, it can be used once in the dying or a precarious state, for protection and elimination of evil karmas.) My wife immediately suggested letting him wear a Śūraṅgama Mantra (楞严神咒) pendant for protection instead after confirming with teacher Shi’an that it was a good alternative. My younger brother brought it along that evening, after which my father stopped speaking about this ‘neighbour’.
我犹豫不决是否应当立即为父亲盖上陀罗尼被（其实在确认生命已经来到最后阶段，就可用。陀罗尼被能起着护身消灾的作用）。太太向时安老师询问并确认后，立刻建议让父亲戴上楞严神咒。当天傍晚我弟弟为父亲戴上后，他从此就再也没有提及这位 “邻居” 了。
We also started playing an old handphone loaded with Āmítuófó’s chant (https://purelanders.com/mp3) by my father’s bed. Looping 24/7, it could remind him to Niànfó along whenever he could. My sister-in-law creatively used the wall fan’s two pull cord switches to hang up the Āmítuófó scroll. This was the scroll that my father felt most comfortable with. We noticed that whenever he saw the Āmítuófó image, he would put his palms together sincerely.
我们也把一个上载了阿弥陀佛佛号（https://purelanders.com/mp3）的旧手机放在父亲床边日夜不停地播放，如此一来可时时提醒父亲是必要念佛。弟妇也巧妙地利用壁扇的两根拉绳挂起了阿弥陀佛卷轴。这是父亲最熟悉的卷轴，他每每看到这幅阿弥陀佛卷轴时都会虔诚地双手合掌礼拜。
On 1 June, I called for a family meeting to detail what to expect and do when my father passes on, during and after the wake. The sole purpose was to reiterate the importance of reciting the guidance text (开示文), Niànfó (for support-chanting: 助念) and dedication (回向) of meritorious virtues, so as to guide our father to Āmítuófó’s Pure Land successfully.
我在6 月1日傍晚召开了一次家庭会议，详细说明在父亲逝世后、吊唁期间和过后的事宜。召开家庭会议的唯一目的是为了重申为父亲念开示文、助念和回向功德的重要性。家人了解个中涵义后，我们一家就能成功引导父亲往生阿弥陀佛西方净土。
On the morning of 3 June, the ward nurse called to inform that my father wanted to speak to me. Unfortunately, I could not comprehend what he was saying as his speech was slurred. As I was busy with work, I alerted my brother and he rushed to meet the palliative doctor. He showed him the purplish patches on my father’s soles, which was a typical sign of a patient departing soon. Upon hearing this, we immediately planned for an eight-hour support-chanting shift system around the clock, with two family members on each shift. My father was also slipping in and out of consciousness, and when awake, he became increasingly restless.
6月3日早上，我收到了病房护士打来的电话，告知我父亲想和我说话。但很遗憾的是我完全听不懂他所说的内容，因为他的口舌已含糊不清。当天因公无法拨冗，我便通知弟弟，还好他能立即跑一趟医院与临终关怀医生见面。医生指着我父亲脚底的紫色斑块，说这是病人即将离世的典型体征。我们获知这个消息后决定立刻排班助念：每班由两位家庭成员组成，分为三班制24小时不间断地为父亲进行助念。我们助念的那几天，父亲时而清醒时而昏迷。人清醒时明显看到他越来越焦躁不安。
The nurse put an oxygen mask on him, set up antibiotics’ drip for the pneumonia, and administered sedatives and painkiller for him, so that he could be as comfortable as possible. He became weaker and weaker and was certainly losing his speech and writing abilities. The doctor was unable to predict how long he would stay in such a state. Looking at his condition, we decided that it was best for him to stay in the hospital.
为了让父亲感觉较为舒适一些，护士为父亲戴上氧气面罩、注射抗生素、镇静剂和止痛药。无奈父亲身体越来越虚弱，说话和写字能力也越来越差。医生无法断定他这样的病况会持续多久。我们一家再三考虑了父亲的情况后，最终决定让他继续留院。
On 4 June, I put the Dhāraṇī Blanket on my father all the way to his chest level. We were very appreciative that the nurses and doctors were all very understanding and respectful of what we were doing. We were also respectful of others and did our support-chanting with the door closed.
6月4日当天，我终于将陀罗尼被从父亲的下肢一直盖至他的胸前。我们一家都非常感激护士和医生们理解并尊重我们为父亲做作的一切。我们也尊重别人，每每都拉上病房大门才继续助念，力求不打扰其他病人。
On 5 June, I could sense that my father was going to pass on soon. I asked the nurses and family members to not have any further physical contact with him. I almost forgot about the air mattress that was used to prevent bed bound patients from developing bedsores! Air was pumped and circulated from the head to toe areas so that the patient was mechanically moved a little from time to time, which was still touching of the body. I immediately turned it off.
6月5日我意识到父亲即将往生。我便要求护士和家人在任何情况下切勿触碰他的身体。我差一点忘了父亲正躺在一张气垫床褥上！为了防止卧床太久的病人长褥疮，链接上的气泵会把空气从头到脚循环不断挪移着病人的身体。这依然属于完全没必要的触碰，所以我立即把气垫床的开关给关了！
On the morning of 6 June, we managed to gather our family of seven in the ward and chanted Āmítuófó together for my father for 30 minutes. We observed that his breathing was getting more laborious, shallower and quicker. We did not spend time worrying or crying while we continued to recite the guidance text hourly and practised Niànfó around the clock.
6月6日早上，我们一家七人聚集在病房里，一起为父亲念诵了30分钟的阿弥陀佛圣号。我们注意到父亲的呼吸越来越用力且越来越浅和急促。我们一家并没有浪费时间担心或哭泣，而是坚持每小时念诵一遍开示文，并不间断地念佛号。
At about 5pm, my wife called to inform that he had stopped breathing. I immediately drove my mother and niece over. Upon arriving, I immediately recited the guidance text to remind him that he has already passed on, and should not be attached to his body, family and wealth. All he needed to do was to Niànfó as sincerely as he could until he saw Āmítuófó. Once he saw Āmítuófó, he should follow him without hesitation to his Pure Land, where there is no more suffering, where there is only bliss.
那天傍晚五点左右，当时值班助念的太太拨电告知父亲已经停止呼吸了。我立即开车载着母亲和侄女一同到医院。一到病房我就为父亲开示，提醒他已经逝世了，不要执着于自己的身体、家人和任何财富。他只需诚心念佛，直到见到阿弥陀佛，就应该毫不犹豫地跟随他往生西方净土，那里没有痛苦，只有极乐。
Our post-death chanting started formally with all family members taking turns to Niànfó beside my father’s deathbed. I am grateful that I had great support from everyone, so that I could call the town council and undertaker to make all the necessary arrangements.
死后助念正式开始，除了母亲我们一家六人轮流在父亲床边念诵佛号。我很感激家人持续助念，我才得以拨电话到市镇理事会和殡仪馆，安排停柩和葬礼事宜。
At the end of the eight-hour post-death support-chanting, we noticed that my father’s hair had seemingly turned blacker and his mouth which was initially agape was almost closed. With facial appearance as if alive (面相如生) too, we saw these as auspicious signs (瑞相) that he has already followed Āmítuófó to his Pure Land!
在八小时的助念结束后，我们发现父亲的头发似乎变黑了，原本张着的嘴巴也几乎合拢起来，面相如生。看到这些瑞相，我们深信父亲已经跟随阿弥陀佛到极乐世界了！
Additional Notes
附加说明
[1] Support-Chanting in Palliative Ward: Our family was very grateful to the palliative doctor who sent my father to a single-bed ward after knowing our wish to provide eight-hour support-chanting after he passed on. When we requested no more touching even before his passing, all nurses and doctors were extremely respectful of our request.
[1] 临终关怀病房的助念：我们一家人都很感激临终关怀医生，他在知晓我们会在父亲去世后助念八小时的意愿后，二话不说就把他安排了一间单人病房给他。医生与护士们也极为尊重我们的意愿，在父亲去世前没有触碰他的身体。
[2] Family Members’ Support-Chanting: Our family of seven took turns to chant Āmítuófó’s name for my father before and after death. They fully understood the importance of this, as well as the recitation of guidance and repentance texts. Even my sister-in-law, 18-year-old niece and 16-year-old nephew had no qualms about doing this throughout his last few days, despite not having practised before.
[2] 家人的助念：我们一家轮流为父亲在去世前后念诵阿弥陀佛圣号。他们都完全了解念开示文和忏悔文的重要性。尽管弟妇、18岁的侄女和16岁的侄子都无助念经验，但在父亲生命的最后几天都毫无怨言地参与助念。
[3] Support-Chanting & BGRAAM: All in all, our family provided 74 hours of pre-death and 8.5 hours of post-death support-chanting for my father. During his wake, we practised BGRAAM (https://purelanders.com/wake) five times as a family, and twice with fellow PPF (Pureland Practice Fellowship: https://purelanders.com/ppf) classmates. We are very grateful to all PPF Purelanders who took time to come and chant with us and for my father.
[3] 助念和 BGRAAM：我们一家在父亲去世前后分别助念了 74 小时和8.5小时。在他停柩期间，我们全家一起进行了五次 BGRAAM (https://purelanders.com/wake)，再与PPF佛友(https://purelanders.com/ppf）一起助念两次。我们非常感谢所有 PPF同修抽出宝贵的时间亲临吊唁处与我们一起为父亲助念。
[4] Taking Refuge is Foundation: If we did not prepare ourselves (also as expressed by taking refuge in the Triple Gem sincerely), we might not be able to remind and guide my father to Niànfó on his deathbed properly. If we did not explain the significance of reaching Pure Land and remind him to Niànfó, he would not be able to make it. (It is not a must to take refuge formally to reach Pure Land, but it can express strong faith in the Triple Gem.)
[4] 皈依是基础：在父亲临终之际，如果我们没有做好准备（或诚心皈依三宝），我们也许无法好好地提醒和引导他念佛。如果我们没有和他解释往生净土的意义和重要性，并且一直提醒他念佛，他是无法往生的（虽然皈依不是往生净土的必要条件，但皈依可表达对三宝的坚定信心）。
[5] Becoming Funeral Directors Ourselves: As we have ‘The Pure Land Passport’ (https://purelanders.com/now) with us, we knew exactly what we needed to do. We therefore told the undertaker that we did not need any monastics to do any chanting. As the undertaker emphasised its importance, we later obliged. However, our family felt that practising BGRAAM as a family was more sincere and meaningful for my father.
[5] 自己是葬礼的主导者：我们因为读了《净土护照》（https://purelanders.com/now），并学习了所需做的一切事宜，我们告诉殡葬人员不需请师父念经。但殡葬人员强调念经的重要性，我们后来便答应了。然而，我们一家人觉得全家一起进行BGRAAM对我父亲来说更具诚意和意义。
On the funeral day, we also opted to turn on our version of Āmítuófó chant, which my father was most familiar with. At Mandai Crematorium Hall, we recited the guidance text, Niànfó and dedicated all meritorious virtues to him before going to the Viewing Gallery, where we blasted the Āmítuófó chant via a portable speaker. We also requested all relatives and friends not to cry, and to Niànfó with us instead. Before we placed my father’s urn into the niche, we opted not to say, ‘Pa, you are now moving into a new home’, which is misleading. Instead, we continued to remind my father, if still present, to Niànfó with us till he reaches Pure Land, which is his true home.
葬礼当天，我们也选择播放我们和父亲熟悉的阿弥陀佛佛号。在万礼火葬场，我们在念开示文和念佛后，就把一切功德回向给父亲。在前往观礼厅途中，我们用便携式的扬声器播放阿弥陀佛佛号。我们也要求所有到场的亲朋好友切勿哭泣，和我们一起念佛就好。我们在把父亲的骨灰盒放入龛位前，也选择不说 “爸，你现在要搬进新家了”，因为这是完全具误导性的。我们反而继续提醒父亲（如果他神识还在的话）一定要和我们一起念佛，直到他往生净土为止，因为那里才是他真正的归宿。
[6] Special Experiences: During the first BGRAAM session at the wake, my brother vividly saw Āmítuófó leading the way while my father walked behind him. My wife heard two separate voices practising Niànfó along with us during one of the BGRAAM sessions. She heard it very distinctively, with one voice in front and the other beside her. There was no fear, as the voices should be those of other unseen beings also practising sincerely together.
[6] 特殊体验：在灵堂前的第一次 的BGRAAM 过程中，我弟弟清楚地看到阿弥陀佛在前带路，我父亲紧随牠身后。在另一次BGRAAM中，我太太听到两把不同的声音和我们一同念佛。她听得很清楚，可以分辨出一把声音在前，另一把在她耳边。她完全不害怕，因为这些声音应该是其他看不见众生的念佛声，他们也在真心诚意地与我们一起修行念佛。
Námó Āmítuófó : KC Leo
17 July 2024
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