[124] My Mum’s Departure For Pure Land With Four Auspicious Signs
My Mum passed away on the 26th of February due to heart failure during her kidney dialysis, at the age of 80. She was admitted to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (in Singapore) 3 days prior due to a fall, but it wasn’t life threatening as she only fractured her pelvis.
On the day of her passing earlier, I received a call from the hospital, asking, ‘What level of resuscitation do you want your Mum to receive in the event of an emergency?’ I was shocked. But eventually asked to not apply any resuscitation, so as to spare her from further pain. When we reached the hospital, Mum was with oxygen support through a mask. When I saw her, I immediately offered her guidance (开示):
‘Mum, please remember our practice of chanting the Buddha’s name (佛号). This is the moment we have been practising for. Now is the time to put it into action sincerely. Do not be attached to this body, which has been tormenting you for so many years. (My Mum had been on dialysis for 23 years.) All of us, including your grandchildren, are all grown up and doing well. We will also Niànfó (念佛: recite Āmítuófó’s name: 阿弥陀佛) to seek rebirth in Āmítuófó’s Pure Land (净土) to join you later.’
She nodded in reply. I then placed the Rebirth Blanket (往生被) (https://purelanders.com/2023/02/25/top-ten-facts-to-know-about-the-dhara%e1%b9%87i-rebirth-blanket) and Blessed Sand Of Golden Bright Light (金光明沙) (section [26] of https://purelanders.com/2015/12/30/important-guidelines-2-during-dying-pure-land-passport-section-4b) on her, putting up Āmítuófó’s image and turning on a Niànfó device (念佛机) (https://purelanders.com/2023/06/16/22-top-ten-pointers-on-skilful-use-of-buddha-recitation-devices). I requested all present to chant along, and to not touch her or cry before her. My youngest Christian sister, although not objecting to our chanting, continued to place her hand on Mum’s shoulder for a short while.
While keeping watch, and not wanting to create a scene, which may cause further disturbance to my Mum, I let it be. (Touching and moving the dying, especially during and right after the final moments can create magnified pain due to increased sensitivity, thus possibly giving rise to aversion. Crying can possibly give rise to attachment. All these can distract from sincere Niànfó, for connecting to Āmítuófó.)
I had introduced Niànfó to my Mum after attending Shi’an Laoshi’s (Teacher) Āmítuójīng《阿弥陀经》(Amitābha Sūtra) course in 2014. We also took refuge (皈依) and received the Five Precepts (受五戒) in January 2015 together. Whenever, she came to stay with us for 3 days every fortnight, we would chant together in the morning for 1 hour. I also encouraged her to chant on her own when she is not staying with us.
Mum’s passing was peaceful. The only indication of departure was the flatline of the monitor about an hour later. We were given a maximum of 2 hours for support-chanting (助念) at 2 pm. I then went to Mum’s side and said, ‘Mum, you have now passed away. They will give us 2 hours before taking your body to the mortuary. Please chant with us with utmost sincerity and urgency, to be received by Āmítuófó to his Pure Land. Remember to not follow anyone else; only Āmítuófó.‘ (It might be possible to request for more time before further handling the body if the ward is not too busy. Sometimes, the staff will forget the agreed timing, thus ‘allowing’ more chanting.)
While chanting, the Niànfó device suddenly stopped. Looking at my watch, ‘coincidentally’, it was 4 pm, 2 hours later. I then went to Mum’s side and told her, ‘The nurses will now clean your body, and send it to the mortuary, so that the undertaker can bring it home.’ After that, I gave a firm tug of her hair above her crown (to stimulate the consciousness to depart for Pure Land, if yet to). She looked peaceful and natural, as if sleeping. (This is the first auspicious sign [瑞相], of ‘the facial appearance as if alive’ [面相如生]: https://purelanders.com/2023/02/07/the-auspicious-sign-of-the-facial-appearance-as-if-alive.)
We were not allowed to clean and change her as the nurses were worried that due to the usually expected stiffening of the body (rigor mortis), family members might not be able to handle it properly. After 20 minutes, the nurses completed the cleaning and changing. My wife asked the nurse, ‘How is my Mum?’ The nurse replied that she was very soft and supple. When we heard that, we really felt a great sense of relief! (This is the second auspicious sign, of ‘the body and mind being gentle and soft [身心柔软]: https://purelanders.com/2023/03/06/96-the-auspicious-sign-of-the-body-and-mind-being-gentle-and-soft.)
The casket with her body arrived at the wake area at around 10 pm. Although there was no embalming and makeup done, as instructed by us, Mum’s expression still looked natural and peaceful. We had 5 days of ‘mourning’ with Buddhist and vegetarian rites. After discussing with my siblings, we only opted for the basic funeral package, which only included engaging (1) one monastic for the encoffinning, (2) one for the chanting session on the last night (for which I requested focus on Āmítuójīng and Niànfó only), and (3) one for the sending off.
I told my siblings that me and my wife will practise as much Niànfó as we can on our own, as this can be more effective, as concerned family members, who can do it repeatedly too. We also encouraged them to join in. Thus, we did support-chanting as much as possible, especially in the early morning, late morning and early afternoon, when there were less visitors. I did not request Pureland Practice Fellowship’s (https://purelanders.com/ppf) Purelanders for support-chanting as I knew it will be hard to prevent distractions from visitors of our big extended families.
We were blessed to receive further signs of Āmítuófó’s blessings. My wife, Mum’s helper and I could hear continuous chanting of his name in our house for 7 days. The volume was constant throughout the house. It was distinctly different from the chant we had at home, with six words (六字: 南无阿弥陀佛: Námó Āmítuófó) instead of four words (四字: 阿弥陀佛: Āmítuófó: https://purelanders.com/mp3). (‘Námó’ means ‘homage to, and refuge for life in’.)
It was not possible to be from the neighbours as we could still hear it after midnight, early in the morning and even afternoon. We’re also surrounded by neighbours of the Christian faith, be they the two immediate families on the same floor, or the one above. We also checked with one another to make sure that it was not due to our minds playing tricks. (This is the third auspicious sign, of ‘heavenly music filling the sky’ [天乐盈空], from Bodhisattvas who are praising and encouraging the practice of Niànfó.)
The best moment came when we went to retrieve her ashes. The undertaker was there to help us place her remains into the urn. Upon opening the box containing the remains, he asked if my Mum was a vegetarian and Buddhist practitioner. He showed us that on both sides of her skull bones, there were sairira (relic) flowers (舍利花). I wanted to take pictures, but he advised against it (although it is actually alright). To not cause discomfort to other family members, I decided not to. In my heart, I know that it could only be through the immense blessings of Āmítuófó that this happened. (This fourth auspicious sign, of having relics, which represents proficiency in Dharma practice.)
I’m sharing this as a testament, that despite only given 2 hours, there is still the possibility of facilitating the best rebirth. So, regardless of how much or how little time is available, we should all just do our best with utmost sincerity, and let Āmítuófó take care of the rest.
Lastly, I would like to thank Laoshi for all his teachings, which enabled me to do express my filial piety by guiding my Mum to Āmítuófó’s Pure Land.
阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛……
May I dedicate the merits of this sharing to my Mum, Fú Sùqín (符素琴).
Kok Meng
10 March 2025
