[123] How We Guided Grand/Mother To Reach Pure Land Together
[i] How I Guided My Mother To Reach Pure Land With My Son And Daughter
My Mum relied heavily on painkillers to pass every day of her life. This explains why her body had so much toxins, that every organ eventually failed. When kidney dialysis had to be abruptly halted due to falling blood pressure, the dying process began.
On Friday, the doctor informed that she has 2 to 4 days left. However, if the needle through which medicine is injected expels automatically, she can survive for only 3 to 4 hours longer. As only 2 visitors were allowed, we sought permission to allow more visitors to assist in our recitation.
Thus, I started following the instructions in the Pure Land Passport guide: https://purelanders.com/now. I laid the Rebirth Blanket (往生被) over Mum to shield her from potential disturbances by karmic creditors (冤亲债主). The Sand Of Golden Bright Light (金光明沙) was sprinkled on her appropriate parts to help cleanse her negative karma too. I then provided the guidance (开示) (to the dying), followed by utmost sincere repentance (忏悔) and support-chanting (助念) with recitation of Āmítuófó’s (阿弥陀佛) name (念佛).
When immediate family members and close relatives came, I told them ‘as mother and children, grandparent and grandchildren, sister and brothers, sister and other sisters, sister-in-law and brothers (母子、祖孙、姐弟、姐妹、兄嫂一场), all should recite the Buddha’s name to send off their mother, grandmother, sister, sister-in-law (念佛送母亲、祖母、姐姐、嫂嫂一程).’ Instead of just looking at her suffering, visitors willingly recited Āmítuófó’s name.
On Saturday at 2:30 pm, the needle expelled. Granting our request, Mum was transferred to a single-bed room more conducive for chanting at 6 pm. (Ideally, there should be 3 to 8 or more hours for offering guidance and support-chanting after death.) I took the seat nearest to her and offered guidance, followed by continuous support-chanting. My loud and clear recitation enabled everyone who entered the room to follow devoutly. The positive energy was strong.
However, I observed that anxiety formed gradually. The louder reciters were chanting faster than the Buddha recitation device (念佛机), which was supposed to set the pace. Feeling troubled, I took a moment to compose myself, and spoke gently about giving Mum time to depart. Gradually, everyone’s pace realigned with the device. The powerful chanting continued to filling the space with sacred resonance.
At 9:55 pm, all reciters witnessed Mum’s last breath. All stood and moved nearer, as recitation grew louder and stronger. We were told to leave the room when nurses entered for preliminary post-mortem procedures. Mum’s pacemaker was demagnetised at 10:15 pm, and surgically removed at 11:11 pm. (When possible, there should be negotiation to ask for handling of the body later, after sufficient chanting, as touching and moving the body might lead to great pain if the consciousness is still attached to it.) After the surgery, her mouth was wide open and her lips were deep dark purple. My son (Jack), daughter (Janet) and I immediately began to recite Āmítuófó’s name again.
Her mouth closed gradually, and completely closed at 3 am. Her lips changed to be pale pink at 4 am. Her tight frown loosened. She displayed a mild gentle smile which was easy to miss. Indeed, this is not only with ‘the facial appearance as if alive’ (面相如生), she looked better than alive, more peaceful and blissful (安乐)! (For more on this auspicious sign [瑞相], see https://purelanders.com/2023/02/07/the-auspicious-sign-of-the-facial-appearance-as-if-alive. Perhaps, this should be called ‘the facial appearance superior to when alive’ [面相胜生]!)
(This is a tremendously inspiring lesson for all of us. Even if we see the dying with a painful and uncomfortable expression upon death, as the consciousness is very likely to still be present, there should not be immediate grieving with giving up of hope. All the more should there be perseverance, to once again offer guidance clearly, followed by support-chanting sincerely, for as long as possible.
As the deceased will no longer have pain from the body’s prior sickness, or mental confusion from any painkillers, he or she will be less distracted, also able to read the minds of those present, to understand their pure intentions to guide and support. Even those resistant to mindfulness of Buddha when alive is likely to be touched and change his or her mind later. For more on the importance of pre and post-death support-chanting, see https://purelanders.com/2025/08/12/38-top-ten-reasons-why-post-death-support-chanting-is-important.)
Recitation continued till 5 am, when her body had to be sent to the mortuary, to be received by the undertaker. At 2 pm on Sunday, following Chinese custom, immediate family members were asked to kneel to receive her body. When her body was brought past us on the stretcher, it remained soft and supple. This is the auspicious sign of ‘the body and mind being gentle and soft’ (身心柔软), which means the deceased has physical peace and mental bliss, with connection to Āmítuófó’s blessings. Āmítuófó!
(For more on this auspicious sign, see https://purelanders.com/2023/03/06/96-the-auspicious-sign-of-the-body-and-mind-being-gentle-and-soft. In fact, there was already softness and suppleness for ‘the facial appearance as if alive’ to occur earlier, 6 hours after death. If there was the usual natural hardness and stiffness [or rigor mortis instead, which usually occurs within 2 hours after death], the mouth would not have been able to close, the frown would not have been able to loosen, and the smile would not have been able to form.)
Solemnly, we circumambulated the casket to bid Mum a final farewell before it was sealed. To my dismay, the undertaker’s promise of putting light makeup for Mum proved to be a mistake, as she looked far better without it. As it was unnecessary touching and moving of her body, this remains my deepest regret. I should have firmly insisted on no makeup, even though my brother was persuaded by the undertaker. Nevertheless, everything went smoothly throughout the wake, and a sense of harmony gently permeated the atmosphere.
On behalf of my family, I would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to all relatives, friends, PPF (Pureland Practice Fellowship: https://purelanders.com/ppf) Purelanders who attended my Mum’s wake, offering your sincere support through chanting. Your presence, dedication and powerful collective energy truly uplifted the atmosphere, bringing much comfort to our family during this difficult time.
A special thanks to our Teacher, for the kind coordination and for leading PPF during the wake support-chanting. Your guidance and compassion ensured everything flowed harmoniously and meaningfully. We are deeply touched by the strong turnout of Purelanders, and by the positive energy that was so palpable throughout the chanting session. It was a true reflection of the spirit of the Pure Land community — being united in practice, compassion and support.
With deepest appreciation and gratitude.
Námó Āmítuófó:
Janet Toh
26 July 2025
[ii] How I Guided My Grandmother To Reach Pure Land With My Mother And Sister
My Grandma was a very resilient woman. This resilience persisted throughout her life, and even into her later years, despite her frailty. There was a time, during the Chinese New Year period, when she faced a serious medical crisis. She had to be admitted to the ICU in a coma, and the medical professionals had prepared us for the worst. Fortunately, that was a few years ago. She recovered from that bout and spent a few more years with us.
My family visited Grandma regularly since I was a child. We were a close-knit family, but even when relations with some relatives became strained, we continued to visit my grandparents every week. Grandma had always been heavyset. In her earlier years, she was still able to walk. Over time, her mobility deteriorated, from using a walking stick to a walking frame, then to a wheelchair outdoors, and eventually, becoming bedridden in the hospital.
In those earlier days, we took her out for weekend dinners and occasional trips to the city. I hope she appreciated these moments, as they were among the few opportunities she had to travel and experience the transformation of Singapore beyond the TV screen. After the COVID-19 pandemic, my family used the SG (Singapore) Rediscover vouchers to bring my grandparents out, to show them more of the country. Could we have done more for them? Perhaps. But I have no regrets spending weekends with them.
Grandma’s resilience, however, had a downside — stubbornness. She was never one to accept help, even when it was clear that she needed it. This mindset might have been shaped by her upbringing and the hardships she had endured, which is common among those of her generation. But for her children and grandchildren, it was frustrating at times. As her health declined, we hired a domestic helper to care for her and to assist with her daily needs, but Grandma hated it.
She also refused financial or social assistance, not wanting to burden her children or interfere with their own families. Grandma had a large ego and always tried to present herself well, even though she could have used the help that was offered. My Mum and Uncle had always tried to introduce her to the Pure Land teachings, believing it would be easier for her to embrace in her later years, but Grandma dismissed it negatively. She wasn’t a bad person by any means, just a stubborn one.
By the last month of Grandma’s life, she had been bedridden in Khoo Teck Puat Hospital for almost a year, in and out of kidney dialysis. Her clarity of mind was deteriorating, barely remembering those who visited, sometimes mixing up the lives of different people. She always struggled with sleeping too. By the end, her speech became indecipherable. She moaned and groaned in pain. In her final days, she became non-reactive, merely twitching continuously.
We covered her with the Rebirth Blanket (往生被), which seemed to help with the twitching (as it offers blessings to eliminate negative karma). Its protection might have helped to allay disturbances, which might have been from karmic creditors (冤亲债主). Pus was oozing from her body due to her inability to undergo kidney dialysis at that point, as the doctors prepared us for her final hours.
During Grandma’s final days, my Mum (Janet), Sister (Jill), and I stayed by her bedside as much as we could. We played an audio recording of Āmítuófó’s (阿弥陀佛) name and chanted along as much as possible, hoping Grandma will also recite his name sincerely in her mind, till she sees and follows him (念佛，见佛，跟佛). Relatives came and chanted with us in shifts, which we greatly appreciated. Everyone knew that Grandma had suffered throughout her life, and it was clear that it would be unwise for her to continue living in such a painful state. We all hoped she would move on to the best place, Āmítuófó’s Pure Land (净土).
My Sister and I were not present at the time of Grandma’s passing due to an external event, and were informed by text. We rushed to the hospital, and after the necessary procedures were made, we were brought into a room with her body. We covered her with the blanket again, and recommenced our 6-hour recitation of Āmítuófó’s name after offering guidance (开示). We took frequent water breaks, but knew that this support-chanting (助念) was important for Grandma’s ultimate benefits. It was the last and best thing I could do for her in this life too.
As we chanted, I noticed a pained expression on Grandma’s face at first, but as the hours went by, it gradually softened into a more peaceful one. Her strained eyebrows and forehead relaxed, and her mouth, which had been open for laboured breathing, slowly closed.
(This is the auspicious sign [瑞相] of ‘the body and mind being gentle and soft’ [身心柔软], which means the deceased has physical peace and mental bliss [安乐], with connection to Āmítuófó’s blessings. For more on this, see https://purelanders.com/2023/03/06/96-the-auspicious-sign-of-the-body-and-mind-being-gentle-and-soft. This is connected to the auspicious sign of ‘the facial appearance as if alive’ [面相如生], looking better than alive, more peaceful and blissful. For more on this, see https://purelanders.com/2023/02/07/the-auspicious-sign-of-the-facial-appearance-as-if-alive.)
We continued chanting until the undertaker arrived to prepare her body for the next phase, as we went home to rest before the funeral procession began. As her grandchild, who shared many good times with her, I hope she has found the peace she longed for. This experience has reminded me that birth, ageing, illness and death are inevitable phases of life. Living in this cycle of birth and death (Saṃsāra) is difficult, but while it is challenging to be liberated, we must make efforts to improve our karmic standing, and strive to break free from this cycle, to reach Pure Land.
Námó Āmítuófó:
Jack Lim
26 July 2025
[iii] How I Guided My Grandmother To Reach Pure Land With My Mother And Brother
This was the first time I had to apply the knowledge I picked up from the ‘Destination Pureland’ course in a real-life situation — and the experience was both deeply humbling and profoundly meaningful.
As my Grandma’s condition worsened, we were mentally preparing ourselves for her impending passing. I remember carrying the Pure Land Passport guide (see https://purelanders.com/now) with me everywhere I went, constantly revisiting the sections on ‘during passing’ and ‘after passing’. I wanted to ensure that when the moment came, we wouldn’t be caught in a state of frenzy or confusion, but instead remain grounded, calm and present.
We began offering guidance (开示) and support-chanting (助念) about 48 hours before her passing. What touched me most was how even some of my relatives, who were not staunch Buddhists, willingly joined in the Niànfó (念佛) (i.e. sincere recitation of Āmítuófó’s name: 阿弥陀佛). There was a sense of unity in that space, as we focused our thoughts on easing her transition.
My Grandmother was in visible physical distress. I vividly recall her occasionally flailing her arms, perhaps in pain, or perhaps warding off unseen karmic disturbances. Watching her suffer was difficult. After putting on the Rebirth Blanket (往生被) to offer protection, all we could do was chant sincerely and mindfully, hoping that she would soon be relieved of all suffering and reach Pure Land.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t by her side when she passed. I was at another engagement when we received the call. Fatigued and sweaty, my Brother (Jack) and I rushed to the hospital. My Mother (Janet) had already requested that her body not be touched for at least 8 hours — but the hospital initially said they could only give us 2. After some negotiation, they allowed 4.
In the end, it was just the three of us — my Mother, my Brother, and I — who remained behind to chant. This was one of my biggest reflections: while eight hours of support-chanting is recommended, it is incredibly difficult to sustain without a proper roster or support structure. With just three people, it became a real test of endurance. But we did our best. (If tired, the shift system of having three shifts, with chanting for one hour and resting for two hours is recommended.) We chanted non-stop till 5 am, when the undertaker arrived to collect her body. In a way, I think my grandmother was fortunate — the duration we had was longer than expected.
After about five hours of chanting, we noticed subtle yet comforting changes in her appearance. Her mouth, which had initially been open, slowly closed. Her facial muscles relaxed. The colour of her lips changed from a deep dark purple to a soft pale pink. She definitely looked peaceful.
(This is the auspicious sign [瑞相] of ‘the body and mind being gentle and soft’ [身心柔软], which means the deceased has physical peace and mental bliss [安乐], with connection to Āmítuófó’s blessings. For more on this, see https://purelanders.com/2023/03/06/96-the-auspicious-sign-of-the-body-and-mind-being-gentle-and-soft. This is connected to the auspicious sign of ‘the facial appearance as if alive’ [面相如生], looking better than alive, more peaceful and blissful. For more on this, see https://purelanders.com/2023/02/07/the-auspicious-sign-of-the-facial-appearance-as-if-alive.)
Support-chanting after one’s passing for a long duration wasn’t easy. I had come straight from a sports engagement and hadn’t had the chance to clean up or rest. I was physically drained, constantly dehydrated and mentally scattered. I struggled to focus on the chanting, often battling to stay awake. My mind drifted, and couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t doing enough. But amidst all that, I reminded myself that we showed up with sincerity — and sometimes, that’s what matters most.
Námó Āmítuófó:
Jill Lim
26 July 2025
