[122] Why I Am Even More Grateful To Be A PPF Purelander After A Near-Death Illness
Āmítuófó (阿弥陀佛)! My husband Kee and I have been attending Pureland Practice Fellowship (PPF: https://purelanders.com/ppf) since 2010. We have benefitted a great deal throughout these 15 years from learning the Dharma from Teacher Shi’an during PPF sessions, and also from attending his enlightening courses.
However, I didn’t fully appreciate how important these sessions were when my life was peaceful and normal. Only when a serious illness hit me, did I really know how useful the teachings and reminders were, and how things can turn out rather well because I was equipped by Teacher Shi’an to handle such a personal crisis.
To everyone reading this, please don’t wait till a crisis arrives to remember to practise Niànfó (念佛: mindfulness of Āmítuófó‘s name: 阿弥陀佛) sincerely, regularly and diligently. The merits we accumulate every normal day will put us in good stead if a crisis arrives.
I live to tell you my story…
I was hospitalised for two months last October. I underwent three surgeries and had to be fed by a nasal (nose) tube after the first surgery, thereby not being able to eat or drink for seven weeks. I lost 7 kilograms and had to undergo physiotherapy to train how to walk without support again, to swallow water without choking, and to talk audibly.
It all started on a fateful day when I experienced breathlessness and had a very painful sore throat. The A&E doctor found a growth in my throat, which was a cyst filled with nasty bacteria, that needed to be surgically removed. The surgeon told me a few days after the surgery that during the operation, it was extremely difficult to put in a breathing tube as the cyst was blocking my airways.
He said he was afraid that he might lose me during the operation as in those seconds, as I hung on without oxygen, while time was ticking away. The operation was finally completed. I was in sedation and transferred to the ICU. The surgeon said I nearly died but was relieved that they fitted the tube in time.
When I came out of sedation, I was delirious and talked nonsense about wanting to have the tubes and needles removed from my body, and asked the doctor to let me die. I demanded that my LPA’s (Lasting Power of Attorney) instructions be followed. I guess the medication was making me confused and in delirium. Thus, the doctor put me back into full sedation.
Due to to the heavy sedation, although Kee put a Niànfó speaker (念佛机) by my bed, I didn’t hear anything. He also put the Śūraṅgama Mantra (楞严咒) pendant on my body for protection from potential harmful spirits, as advised by Teacher Shi’an. (For more on use of such mantras, see https://purelanders.com/2023/06/10/21-top-ten-pointers-on-skilful-use-of-buddhist-mantras.) The next time I was conscious, I didn’t say much. I was calmer. I believe the pendant helped, while the medication’s side effects subsided, though I was still mostly in a daze.
The bad news arrived some days later. The bacteria has entered my lungs. I had to undergo a second operation to remove as much of it as possible. A week later, I needed a third operation as it was still with significant quantity in my lungs, as revealed by various tests and scans. Doctors had to arrest the spread of four different kinds of bacteria.
So, I spent quite a while in the ICU and high dependency ward. I couldn’t do anything for myself. The nurses cleaned me daily, and administered medication. I was too weak to sit in a wheelchair, thus bedridden for days at length. They fed me a liquid diet four times a day through the nose tube. Strong doses of antibiotics were administered twice a day. I was groggy most of the time, but remembered to Niànfó at times when my mind was clearer.
My heart rate was too high for a normal person, and my blood platelets were high too. Doctors and nurses monitored my vital signs closely. My heart might give up any time. Those weeks were of much concern — I could have died at any time.
My condition only became stable after six weeks of antibiotics’ treatment. My nose tube was removed a few days before discharge from the hospital. I was allowed to eat soft food and drink water slowly, in sips. That day I was discharged, I was greatly relieved and thankful. I had a long way to go to achieve a complete recovery, but I was grateful to be able to go home, and to attend PPF again when I was strong enough.
How did being a PPF Purelander help me?
Firstly, I learned from Teacher Shi’an that Niànfó is the best thing to do in any situation. In my case, it was a crisis situation. There was no need to fret or wallow in sorrow. There was no need to ask why this bad thing happened to me. There was no need to tell too many people about my illness. But there was an urgent need to Niànfó as I didn’t know if I was able to live for even another hour or not.
To Niànfó sincerely is to connect to Āmítuófó with Faith that he will take care of everything. Armed with Faith, Aspiration and Practice, I know that if my time is not yet up, Āmítuófó, being the Unsurpassable Great Healing King (无上大医王), will heal me, and if my time is up, he will take me to his Pure Land (净土).
I also learned to not be afraid when encountering previously unseen beings who appeared in my hospital room. I stayed calm, repented on their behalf, appealed to them to Niànfó sincerely with me, and dedicated merits to them, to be released from their state. Niànfó kept me from fear, and helped me to extend my grace to them. They didn’t reappear after three encounters. Niànfó really works wonders! Āmítuófó!
Secondly, I learned from Teacher Shi’an that although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. I understand that it’s my karma that I fell so ill, and I accepted the discomfort and pain that came with it. However, I can choose not to suffer. I know the pain will come and go, and I didn’t complain nor feel sad. I didn’t salivate when I smelt food, and didn’t feel thirsty even though I didn’t drink any water directly for seven weeks. I accepted that the liquid diet fed to me was enough to keep me nourished and hydrated.
Although I couldn’t sleep well, I used every waking moment to Niànfó, not forgetting to repent and dedicate merits as well. So for me, the hospital stay wasn’t boring, wasting time or difficult. I occupied myself with Niànfó and felt grateful each time the doctors told me I was showing progress in recovery.
Thirdly, I learned from Teacher Shi’an to take things as they are, with no need to over-analyse some things that happened. I understand that this wisdom is from the Buddhist teachings. I just accepted my blood test results, with findings from the CT scans and MRI reports, and underwent the treatments given without complaints or doubts.
During my review session, I asked the doctor how I can prevent another bacteria attack. He replied that bacteria is everywhere, on and inside our bodies. He said that bacteria can stay dormant in our bodies sometimes for years, till they are activated, e.g. by choking on food that causes an abrasion in the throat. Bacteria can get active when our bodies’ immunity weaken too. So, it is not easy to totally prevent another bacteria attack. After that, I didn’t think much about the cause of my illness anymore.
Besides the above, I also wish to mention that I’ve learnt to be more patient and resilient after having gone through this personal crisis.
In conclusion, I want to thank Teacher Shi’an very much for his teachings all these years, that seeped into us, equipping us with the knowledge and calmness to handle situations. And I also thank him and Sister W for their kind and useful advice during my illness. I also wish to thank Kee very much, for always being there for me, reminding me to Niànfó and taking care of my needs in the hospital. And big thanks to the PPF friends who sent me warm messages that lifted my spirits, with some who even did life liberation (放生), offering of prayers and dedications on my behalf.
It’s so good to be part of the PPF community! Thank you!
JC
27 August 2025
